Dear INTJ Females

My dear fellow INTJs,

Where have you been hiding all this time? Are you hiding away your awesomeness? Are you embracing your natural amazing self?

It’s a strange feeling growing up in this world as an INTJ. A curious mind with a reserved personality almost locks you down as an outcast – the weird brilliant kid. When I was a child, I often wondered about random things – nature, people and emotions. I was quiet and always observing. I’m not sure if I would describe my childhood as “happy”.

As I grew into my teenage years, relationships and connecting with other people became more complicated. The social construct of today’s world emphasises and rewards extrovert type personalities – the louder the person is, that is where all the attention goes. The inner power of introverts was never spoken of enough.

Once I joined the workforce, I felt the full extent of society’s “intolerance” of INTJs – particularly females. Females are generally assumed to be soft-spoken characters as well as emotional beings. This is clearly in contrast with how an INTJ female would behave. Our direct and logical approach is considered tactless, disrespectful even – few would say the same about a male. I had to work twice as hard and ignored naysayers who doubted me.It was surprising to see that it is the other women who are the harshest critic – a disappointing revelation.

Three helpful tips that I’ve learnt:

  1. Seek out fellow older INTJs and learn from their experiences. It is the most amazing feeling talking to a mirror of yourself – truly being understood and not judged. They have gone through a lot and can help younger INTJs navigate the social constructs of society. They are not easy to find but they are out there!
  2. Be curious about the other types but do not judge them. Nowadays I approach communicating with the other types as somewhat of a social experiment. I observe and wonder, just like how I would as a child, how these people are like and their motivations. This has helped me remove judgement and see them as human beings – all people are inherently good.
  3. Develop our weaker characteristics. As an INTJ, I normally prefer sitting on the sidelines and letting the louder ones take charge. Or, I generally ignore any feelings and feel more comfortable presenting a logical argument. This has led to other issues such as difficulties in building connections with people and other people claiming credits on my hard work, amongst other things. You have the capability to improve yourself – see it as a “personal development” project and you’ll be on your way in no time.

Dear INTJ females, you are amazing. Embrace that. The combination of INTJ’s imagination, thoughtfulness, analytical mind and very accurate intuition is the best gift you have – few others out there can say the same.

Give it time. Love yourself.


4 thoughts on “Dear INTJ Females

  1. Here I am!! I have been hiding because I didn’t know I was an awesome INTJ until a few years ago. When I found out, my whole left changed, and everything about myself suddenly made sense. I can’t recall meeting any other INTJs, women or men, at least not that I can tell.


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